Where has discipline gone? I was born in the swinging ’70s, but I think I am nostalgic for the square ’50s. I am not talking about Wonderbread and canned peas and wifey in the kitchen. I don’t want a return to corporal punishment. But I do miss parents who act and speak with authority and who demand respectful behavior from their children.
We moved to LA from Seattle last year. Chief among the trials of setting up a home in a new city has been finding susbstitutes for the dear, old, familiar friends we left behind–and still sorely miss. We are still searching for the few that fit into the “True Friend for Life” category, but we have found lots of “Acquaintances Who Will Get Christmas Cards.” And then there are a number of “Undecideds”…..
This is because despite the fact that we have met some highly stimulating, active, and friendly adults in LA, many of these social stars have horrific kids. I’m not complaining about garden-variety spoiling (heck, we’ve all bribed our kids on occasion, and overindulged them as well)— I mean children for whom hitting is de riguer, screaming and tantrums commonplace, spitting at other kids not unusual, and name-calling is viewed as a way of starting a conversation.
How can this be? How can we like these people so much and yet find their children to be so nasty? The answer, I think, is a lack of authority. When a child spits at another, I see my LA parent friends say gently “Oh, honey, no, let’s not spit at our friend.” Gee, that response seems a little inadequate when my five-year old daughter is wiping a loogie off of her face.
I would be understanding if the transgressor was a toddler, who could be excused for a lack of social grace. But I am talking about another five-year old, who was angry because she wanted to have the ever-popular blond Polly Pocket, and my daughter wasn’t ready to give it over. I am used to Seattle parents who would say in a stern tone: “That is rude and unacceptable. You will apologize to your friend now. If you want a turn, ask, don’t spit. If I see that again, we are going home. Got it?”
Until I hear something a little closer to “Father Knows Best” (Or even better, maybe Archie Bunker- I wouldn’t mind a little profanity in such a situation), I am in new-friend limbo…not sure who from the “Undecideds” could possibly move into “Cool Mom and Good Playdate” category- let alone “True Friend.”
As it stands now, a Christmas card may even be a little too nice for the Loogie-Queen, no matter how cool her parents are.
Posted on September 4th, 2005 by Allison
Filed under: Uncategorized, Daily Life, Am I Crazy?
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