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When I was young I always imagined having a daughter. Her name would be Logan (the name incidentally that we gave to our son) and she would have long flaxen hair. She would be smart, sweet, slick and have an enormous amount of empathy. She would love me like a mommy but call me her friend. We would lunch, get our nails done together and share all those things that mommies and their daughters do.

While I was going through my many infertility treatments and years of disappointment, I was convinced that experience would elude me. But finally it did. I had my daughter and as a bonus, I got a son as well. She was such a good baby. Even though she was all of 4 pounds she was our big girl–she hardley ever cried, ate like a champ and was even a good sleeper. On the other hand, our son was a terrible sleeper, constantly cried and never ate. So how did the tables turn without our knowing?

Now a beautiful five year old, I find the relationship with my daughter a bit of a challenge. And I’m sure she feels the same way. Even an easy going family dinner is filled with tears because of some horrible wrong her brother did to her minutes earlier in the bathroom. And while her brother seems to easily get over the little things, she holds on to it forever. And none of my parenting tactics seem to work to get us through it–ignoring it doesn’t work, validating her doesn’t work either. The worst part is that it usually just results in utter frustration and anger. That’s when it’s hard for me to imagine that lunch, day at the ballet, manicure. It makes me wonder whether this is just “who she is” and will always be or if it’s a phase.

My beautiful flaxen haired daughter is smart, sweet and slick–when she wants to be. And she is an incredibly empathetic, thoughtful child. Recently we were shopping for a party we were having with some of her classmates and she reminded me we needed to get pizza without pepperoni’s because Elli was a vegetarian. I just wish there was something I could do to mitigate what seems like her over-sensitivity. Some way to make it a bit more peaceful in our house. I’m cautious not to want to change her, she is who she is but I feel like as a parent I should be able to do more to help not sweat the small stuff. I want to tell her all the wonderful things in the world that await her that make a scuffle on the way to school not seem so important. Any suggestions?

Posted on May 6th, 2006 by Sam
Filed under: Uncategorized