You’ve been in an office all day, or an exam room, or a cubicle, or a police cruiser (hopefully because it’s your work shift and you are a Peace Officer) – or you’ve been dealing with who-knows-what in almost every corner of your house. In any event, when your child gets home, you look forward to a few choice details about her day and then you both can pour lemonade, retire to separate lounge chairs and read the paper, right?
Instead, you get monosyllabic answers in response to your most carefully phrased questions, or lots of tears and whining, or a full melt down. Or, even worse, depending on how your day went, Noodle insists that you drop your ice cold beverage and drop to the rug to do those magical pony noises. Now! And so you say, while modeling your calm and polite voice, some version of the following:
“Mommy needs some alone time.”
“Mommy had to oversee a merger today and really, really needs to eat her cheese stick in peace.”
“Oh, for Pete’s Sake! Would you please just let Mommy put down her keys?!”
And your evening goes downhill from there.
I hate to tell you this, but those ponies aren’t going to break into Sondheim all on their ownsome.
The truth is, and you already know it: Noodle doesn’t care about Mommy’s merger, how Mommy subdued a suspect or Mommy’s ability to remove yogurt stains from suede. All Noodle knows is that you have been apart all day and she needs to reconnect. And, in what’s known as “The First Law of Emotional Physics,” the more you push her off “just another minute,” the more time she’ll need from you when you are ready to give her your attention.
So, stop. Give her a chunk of solid attention - fifteen minutes at least, 30 if you can. Pediatricians call it “floor time.” And that’s uninterrupted floor time – no stepping away to peek at your e-mail or opening snail mail or texting, if you are one of those young’ins. Just be there. Make it part of your welcome home routine to share a walk around the block or some snuggly reading time. Describing the schedule in terms of “first/then/then” works for most ages. It can go something like this: “After school, we first have a snack and then we can play. And then you can do your homework/practice drums/shop for Pokemon cards online while I make dinner.”
Routine, in general, is one of your most valuable parenting tools (that, and the way nature designs us to believe our child isn’t the official glue dot licker of Ms. Jue’s class). An after school routine lets children know what is expected, and that reduces anxiety for all involved. It helps you, too; if you have something waiting in your in box and dinner to throw together, and everything else hanging over your head, knowing that you will get to it can let you stop thinking about it. And? It’s not bad for grown ups to relearn a little patience, too.
If you have older children and homework is the inevitable after school task, be sure to tailor the schedule to your child. Some kids want to get the work done while school is still fresh in their minds. Other children really need some unwind time first. My children actually enjoy doing homework while I make dinner; they sit at the kitchen table and I’m right there to answer questions and gently prod when distractions arise.
We do some basic organizing things that help “heal the hectic:” There are hooks by the back door for their backpacks, and I check them for important parent notices every night.
To keep track of sports, play dates and appointments, a large wall calendar is the standard. My friends and I have begun using something a whole lot cooler: Cozi. It’s a free software application (yep, FREE) that runs a family calendar and grocery list - it even stores photos for you. You can share it with the other adults in your household, you can sync it up to your Outlook, you can even text from it and send people your photos.
Here are some other tips to help you destress.
Check out these back-to-school, organize-your-house tips.
And if you are feeling frazzled, just hold on. We have a mere seven-and-a-half more school months to go!
Posted on October 3rd, 2007 by BarbaraCA
Filed under: Uncategorized
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