Parents get it from all sides, from Mommy (and Daddy) ”Drive-bys” to all sorts of words of wisdom from family members. And the holiday season can be a comment-free-for-all about how you are and are not raising your children.
We’ve all been there - all of us. From the purse-lipped in-laws who don’t understand why Timmy sleeps with his favorite roll of duct tape (because prying it out of his clammy wee fingers will make him scream like an air raid siren, that’s why) to the lady at the park who thinks Josie needs to wear an extra jacket (she was wearing one, actually, but just vomited a full day’s worth of pumped breast milk all over it. Thanks!), we’ve all had veiled and not-so-veiled comments about our skills and lack thereof as parents.
How do you cope? Do you say “Thank you?” or “Thank you, but mind your own business”? Do you just stand there, blank-faced and then go cry and drink the leftover cooking wine? Do you freak out, wondering if the advice is warranted? And how can I talk about unsolicited advice by giving you even more unsolicited advice?! Hopefully by showing you some ways to respond.
You could try these tips:
It’s especially daunting to deal with family opinions when your children’s issues are exacerbated by the chaos of the holidays. Check out: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/2814.html
And then there are the basics from Grandpa Richards’ Kids, including my favorite non-confrontational, brooks-no-argument response, “This works best for us.” Really, what more can you say - at least in mixed company?
I know there are times when the helper is really just slamming you - let’s not pretend otherwise. And yet, most of time, I believe, those words of “wisdom” are coming from a kinder place. People really do want to help, to be involved, to give you their own experience - especially family. So take most of what is said with a grain of, if not salt, then patience. If you are secure in your choices, and are approaching your child’s issues and battles with thoughtfulness, humor and some objectivity, what other people think (and even say) doesn’t really matter.
Best of luck with whatever way you find to deal with all of those “helping” words!
Posted on December 24th, 2007 by BarbaraCA
Filed under: Uncategorized
My Autism treatment site…
Doctors may be learning another way of detecting exactly what is or isn’ t going on in the brain as it relates to autism or spectrum disorders. Magnetoencephalography (MEG) is showing doctors what works or doesn’ t work in the autistic brain (our b…
My Autism Support site…
I spend my life as a parent trying to puzzle my way through thought processes I do not always understand (i. e., my children are autistic). It’s a habit that is difficult to break, and one I think I shouldn’t try to break. (This is not to suggest tha…
My Autism Symptoms site…
MEG is too expensive for neurofeedback, but an EEG biofeedback, or an HEG hemoencephalography system can be just a few thousand dollars. There are many opportunities for MEG to settle some controversies with this community of clinicians and researchers…
My Autism Symptoms site…
Well, for 20 hours I will be participating with a number of other ladies (and possibly a few men), scrapbooking and card making and various other paper crafting in a order to raise money for two amazing organizations. Both are essential to children wit…
My Autism in Infants site…
I know many parents say their children were normal up to a certain point, but most people’ s children with autism are either their first or second child and so how do you truly know what is normal. I don’ t know, maybe they are right. Levi was my 5…
My Autism Treatment site…
Jamie McMurray got famous for beating Kyle Busch last Saturday night in Daytona. But overlooked in the glare is Jamie’ s overall season performance. He’ s just 49 points behind Earnhardt, Jr. for the final Chase spot. And he’ s got a little commo…