For parents who want to worry less and play more!

Thanks for the Advice!

   Parents get it from all sides, from Mommy (and Daddy) ”Drive-bys” to all sorts of words of wisdom from family members. And the holiday season can be a comment-free-for-all about how you are and are not raising your children.
   We’ve all been there - all of us. From the purse-lipped in-laws who don’t understand why Timmy sleeps with his favorite roll of duct tape (because prying it out of his clammy wee fingers will make him scream like an air raid siren, that’s why) to the lady at the park who thinks Josie needs to wear an extra jacket (she was wearing one, actually, but just vomited a full day’s worth of pumped breast milk all over it. Thanks!), we’ve all had veiled and not-so-veiled comments about our skills and lack thereof as parents.
   How do you cope? Do you say “Thank you?” or “Thank you, but mind your own business”? Do you just stand there, blank-faced and then go cry and drink the leftover cooking wine? Do you freak out, wondering if the advice is warranted? And how can I talk about unsolicited advice by giving you even more unsolicited advice?! Hopefully by showing you some ways to respond.
   You could try these tips:
   It’s especially daunting to deal with family opinions when your children’s issues are exacerbated by the chaos of the holidays. Check out:  http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/2814.html
   And then there are the basics from Grandpa Richards’ Kids, including my favorite non-confrontational, brooks-no-argument response, “This works best for us.” Really, what more can you say - at least in mixed company?
   I know there are times when the helper is really just slamming you - let’s not pretend otherwise. And yet, most of time, I believe, those words of “wisdom” are coming from a kinder place. People really do want to help, to be involved, to give you their own experience - especially family. So take most of what is said with a grain of, if not salt, then patience.  If you are secure in your choices, and are approaching your child’s issues and battles with thoughtfulness, humor and some objectivity, what other people think (and even say) doesn’t really matter.
   Best of luck with whatever way you find to deal with all of those “helping” words!

Posted on December 24th, 2007 by BarbaraCA
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Hanukkah–Seattle Style

My children attend an alternative public school. What makes it alternative is broadly defined. One of the components that is important at their school is the sense of inclusiveness—of diversity and social justice. They try to expose children to a variety of cultures—in fact, every year they have a night devoted to what they call, “Many Cultures, One World.” Each class selects a different culture to study and the kids are always immensely curious about everything surrounding the people, the place, what they do, what they eat—really everything!

Every year I go into my kids classes and talk about Hanukah. While I wouldn’t call myself a religious person, I do consider myself culturally “Jewish.” The traditions and history that I was raised with are important to me and I feel really lucky to be able to share it. This year, because the kids are a bit older, they knew a bit more and asked more interesting questions. They also had some very fun misinformation. When I asked the kids if they knew what Hanukah was, one little boy said, “It’s kind of like Christmas for the Jewish people”—well, close but not really. We had a great time telling the story of Hanukah, why we light the candles, eating lakes and spinning dradels.

It’s early in the school year and so I also used my time in class as an opportunity to learn the other kids in her class. Blaise has told me since the beginning of the year about her friend “Christian” in her class. Apparently there are two Christians. I was playing dradel with a group of kids and I wasn’t sure of their names. I turned to the one to my right and I said, “Hi, I’m Sam. Are you Christian?” and he looked at me totally deadpan and said, “No, my name is Noah, I’m Jewish.” We had a great laugh over it.

It’s really lovely to be part of a school community that embraces all of us and invites us in to be a part of our children’s broad education—even the more intangible bits.
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Posted on December 19th, 2007 by Administrator
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Surviving Holiday Travel With Children

No two words paired together strike fear into the heart quite like “Travel” and “Children.” “Travel,” a word which once may have brought to mind images of steam engines, white gloves and candlelight, now, paired with small children, involves mismatched sippy cups, diaper mishaps and gut-wrenching exhaustion. And, Oh! Do I feel your pain. My extended, out-of-town family first knew my children primarily as “He’s Not Usually Like This” and “Please Don’t Make Eye Contact Until She’s Asleep.”

Despair not. There are things you can do to make it more enjoyable. Check out these tips:

Travel With Kids: http://www.travelwithyourkids.com/before-you-go/top-5-family-travel-tips

Flying With Kids - Travel Tips from Parents:  http://www.flyingwithkids.com/travel_tips.htm

Travel With Your Kids: http://www.travelwithyourkids.com/

The American Society of Travel Agents (ASTA) has put together tips, too!   http://www.travelsense.org/tips/children.asp

If you plan to travel out of the country and you don’t immunize your children, it’s a good idea to check the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention site for recent outbreaks. Your child is much, much more likely to contract a communicable disease while traveling. Here are updated health alerts from the CDC:   http://wwwn.cdc.gov/travel/destinationList.aspx

Here’s my two cents, as well:

Pack for yourself a fresh shirt. Some children, and yes, I do mean mine, have proven to get air sick, car sick, bus sick, seasick and even train sick. I have been thrown up on while riding in every conceivable conveyance with the possible exceptions of horse drawn sleigh and rickshaw.

Keep your travel to the minimum. Flying across the country to see family? Find a family-friendly hotel and have at least half of your must-sees come to you. You’ve just changed seven diapers at 35,000 feet. Cousin Joan can surely drive forty-five minutes to come hang out with exhausted you at the pool while baby naps on your chest.

Find your flexible parent points. Recognize that your children are in a strange place, with people they may not know or remember from the last trip, and they are more prone to homesickness and exhaustion that you. Let them watch cartoons, eat some of the wrong foods, and get louder than your at-home comfort level. The only things to not wobble on are opportunities for sleep and snuggle time.

Lighten up. While you may want to have them cling to you less, because you are there to see people, your children need you. You are their reassurance that all is well, if a little chaotic. Expect some regressive behaviors from them, some extra exasperation from you, some screw ups from your partner and cut everyone some slack. Find some pockets of time for your little family - enforce group naps, sneak off to a family movie together, go for a quiet drive. Don’t let all you need to do overshadow what you’d like to do.

I wish you all the best of luck this holiday season!

Posted on December 16th, 2007 by BarbaraCA
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Gifting

Shopping for gifts for children can be oh, so exasperating! We want to find things that are durable, safe, educational, and, yes, affordable. We’ve all been watching the news; worries about lead content and other toxic issues, choking hazards and general unsuitability have left more than a few of us exasperated and ready to give the children in our lives little more than a slab of (appropriately sized, nonvarnished, renewable forest resource) wood.              

It’s not easy. Family Fun just released their list of the worst toys for 2007: Worst Toys. And their picks for best? Best Toys. 

I looked around and found some yes, safe, and yes, fun! suggestions for those of you needing a few more Hanukkah gifts, or still shopping for Christmas, or for upcoming birthdays and my favorite, the “Just Because.” 

Infant - Toddler 
Well, you know, I did have some advance shopping info. I knew about Braincandy before the holiday season. But, oh! How exciting to see my niece bounce and coo to music and colors and engage at the sight of other children. Braincandy. Fun, juicy learning. Did I mention fun? 

And, okay, it is nice to know she’s a hip baby. Passive learning is so passé. 

Preschool - Elementary 
I have been reading about this funky, simple toy all over the ‘net. Bilibo. “Bilibo is a new kind of toy - the elementary shells leave room for the child’s imagination.” 

Older Elementary 
My son is seven. When I was seven, I wanted dress up clothes and a record player to play 45s. My son wants to design video games. The world has, indeed, changed. Childhood has changed. Luckily, it’s not hard to find magic in even the most technical of gifts. Both my children enjoy the Zoo Tycoon series. I appreciate the places where technology and empathy meet. Zoo Tycoon lets children design their own dream zoo and care for the animals. Habitats, food, population and more all have to be taken in to consideration - and some animals facts manage to sneak in there, as well.  

Not his or her thing? Okay, how about a whole page of ideas: Here! 

Preteen 
“The Daring Book for Girls“ is the manual for everything that girls need to know, from female heroes in history, secret note-passing skills, science projects, friendship bracelets, double dutch, cats cradle, the perfect cartwheel or the eternal mystery of what boys are thinking, this book has it all.” 

Need more Preteen ideas? Here you go! 

What do these all have in common? Hands-on earning. Active play. There is so much out there to stimulate young minds! 

Posted on December 10th, 2007 by BarbaraCA
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Developmental Milestones

If there is one universal truth that I’ve come to believe it’s that there is no such thing as “normal” for kids. Having twins its hard not to compare how each of them are developing compared to the other. Although, having a conversation with my son’s teacher today, she highlighted that it’s the same way with siblings separated by age as well. Her boys were two years apart and she said she was always comparing at what age they said their first words, when they took their first steps, starting reading—all the usual suspects. For me I think the hardest thing is remembering that the joy is in the milestones and not about them. I was putting old photographs in an album this weekend and I remembered every single holiday together, every activity, putting the star on top of the tree, taking a cruise around the lake for my first mother’s day and of course, the first steps. Milestones all of them that were filled with so much passion and excitement.


Blaise was first to walk She sat on the steps to the sunken living room in her pink pajamas and finally took the plunge and dove off the steps. Just like Blaise, diving right in. When she was ready she did it. Logan crawled earlier than Blaise but then wasn’t far behind getting off the ground. He did the army crawl until he just couldn’t get to his yellow truck quick enough. It was enough motivation. Were those developmentally normally events? I’d guess yes. What pediatricians will tell you is that there is a large range of what they’d call “typically developing.” I do think it’s important to be cognizant, especially if it’s your first child, of what those typically developing milestones are. There are several resources available online and of course, your pediatrician is always the best sounding board. My best advice is to enjoy the moment and know that once you get used to a certain age and stage, it all changes. So accept the chaos and enjoy!
http://www.aap.org/healthtopics/stages.cfm
http://pediatrics.about.com/od/growthanddevelopment/ig/Developmental-Milestones/index.htm
http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/development/normaldevelopment.shtml

blaise and olvier.jpg

 

Posted on November 30th, 2007 by Sam
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Some Mighty Fine Reading

There are so many great blogs out there - literally millions of them. I hesitate to mention any, lest I leave out some stellar reading, but here is a selection of parenting blogs I enjoy:

Offpsrung calls itself “an entirely craft-free online parenting magazine community for the modern age,” but I like their tagline better: Your life didn’t end when you became a parent.

Too many choices? Check out, within Offsprung, Hausfrau. Written by Angela Pandolfo Roy, a “cranky, liberal, self-employed, Italian-American, Episcopalian, Bronx-born, Jersey-bred” mom of two young sons.

Have a fabulous twosome? BeTwinned is “The One-Stop Internet Spot for Parents of Twins and Multiples. BeTwinned is an online-only magazine for parents of twins and multiples. Join us for a whole new world of news, information, reviews and a chance to interact with the larger community of parents of twins and multiples around the world — that is, of course, after the kids have finally gone off to bed.”

Melissa says, “I love my kids. I just don’t love the actual work of raising them. Oh and the amount of talking it requires. And the public humiliation. Also, the guilt of doing this job. But otherwise I love it all.” Check her out at Suburban Bliss.

Tertia at So Close lives in South Africa, where she works, raises her two children (twins) and discusses just about everything you can think of (depression, infertility, martial strife, working, breast augmentation and cultural differences) with wit and irreverence.  

Larger Families is for “anyone who’s got more than the ‘average’ number of kids, or who’s curious about what it’s like to have a larger family in today’s smaller-family-centered society can benefit from the advice and experiences we have to share.”  

As of this writing, Julia at Here Be Hippogriffs is the mother to one son and is on bed rest while in her third trimester with twins after a number of losses. She also blogs for Redbook at The Mother Moment.

Dawn Friedman’s ability to write about mothering, writing and open adoption with honesty and humor has made This Woman’s Work a major stop on the internet.

Hey, I know that this is just the tip of the virtual blog iceberg! What (who) do you like to read?

Posted on November 18th, 2007 by BarbaraCA
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